The Battle of Ideas in the Middle East - Did a rough hand job cause 911?

Where did the extremist Islamic movement come from? A man named Sayyid Qutb. That’s Qutb, like the start of a drum sound when you’re beat boxing. Qutb left Eygpt in 1948 to go study in America, this is where he got his first taste of a liberal society. Qutb was disgusted by the freedoms men would allow their women. At one point in his trip a young American woman tried to seduce him, he turned her down and was disgusted by the whole experience. Since Qutb would go on to mentor the founder of Al Queda, is it fair to blame this drunk American women for 911. I think, yes. She’s a drunk American women from LA, she probably sat there and talked about herself for 3 hours, then tried to give him a hand job and hurt his cock. Friction burn can definitely cause revolution. If this was, say, a Latin women, there would have never have been extremist Islam as we know it. Qutb would have gone on to write books promoting western democracy including illustrations of Jennifer Lopez. This unfortunately wasn’t the case. Qutb saw western society as dangerous and thought that Americans were out of control. The only way he saw to prevent the Middle East from falling for this kind of immoral society was to follow the strict law of Islam.

He returned to Eygpt to found the Muslim Brotherhood, which sounds cool, a brotherhood, like cool guys hanging out, no chicks allowed, but their ideas would go on to violently influence the entire middle east and the political purpose of Islam. The Brotherhood believed in a society with the strict moral code of the Quran and the benefits of western civilization’s science and medicine. So when a man was brutally stoned for cheating on his wife, at least he could buy some Panadol.

At this stage Eygpt was becoming more and more westernized and Qtub saw how highly contagious these ideas were. He was right, the culture of western society is highly contagious. Further proof of this in modern times is a leaked diplomatic cable showing that the greatest agent for American ideas in the Middle East was re runs of TV shows particularly the hit show Friends. So that means, the best form of propaganda for a liberal free society in the Middle East is Friends. How sure are the CIA that they’re reading this research correctly? It’s possible the reason Islamic extremists want to bomb the US is because they hate Ross for breaking up with Rachel. They haven’t aired the later series yet, they’re probably pretty pissed right now. I think we can all agree, that 911 seems to make a lot more sense if you picture the hijackers imagining David Schwimmer’s face on the side of one of the towers.

Under the Taliban the Afghan people were not allowed to watch TV, dance or sing. After the removal of this medieval and brutal regime these bans were lifted, and one of the first forms of democracy the Afghan people were to experience was the reality TV show Afghan Star, where voting for your favorite singer was done via mobile phone. In fact this same system used for the TV show American Idol, ironically, is the closest thing America has to democracy. However I prefer the participants in Afghan Star because they are truly brave. These two thousand male and four female contestants literally risk their lives to perform in the competition. I think the west can take something out of this, sure the production value of Afghan Star was pretty low, certainly wouldn’t see a goat on the set of American Idol, nor would the judges be carrying AK 47s, but maybe they should. Maybe we need to inject the threat of death on Idol contestants because it will weed out all the people who are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Sayyid Qtub anticipated the highly contagious nature of western liberal society and he was right. Next time you see Eygpt on the news, as they over throw the government to hold the first democratic elections in decades, remember there is a battle of ideas happening. The Muslim Brotherhood are running for power and so are other secular more liberal parties. The Muslim Brotherhood have on their side an ideology founded in a strict moral code, and the more liberal candidates, wanting a non religious government, have on their side Jennifer Anistons hair cut.